There are so many questions running through my brain right now, and so many of them I cant seem to find an answer for.

My main concern is... if Im doing everything I can, then why is my body failing me? In reality my 50-55 mile weeks arent that big, I have done them before. I guess I havent done over 5 in a row, but you'd think I would adjust. Basically Im tired, deathly tired. So tired that sleep doesnt even help. Ive upped my calorie intake, thinking that maybe I needed more fuel, have been drinking so much water that I am repulsed by it, started taking an iron supplement and now, here I sit barely able to keep my eyes open (its 8:30am), I sleep through most of my classes and my last couple workouts have been discusting. Travis thinks we need to lower my mileage. Im going to do what he says, but I dont think it helps that I work, go to school full time and coach all while trying to get into the best shape of my life.

I have never ever felt like this before...ever. This extreme exauhstion is so depressing. In workouts, its like Im carrying a book bag full of science books on my back and wearing rubber boots all while trying to run a 1000 meter repeat workout... I have absolutely no turnover, I just trod along hoping for the best. In the weight room I can usually muster up 5-7 pull ups by myself, but yesterday, I had to have 80 pounds of assistance and still, I couldnt muster up 10 pullups. I feel robbed, robbed of my hard work and consistancy and its no ones fault!

I was thinking about it this morning while toasting my bread. Making workouts for me is just like toasing bread! You have to have the dial just right, all of my ducks have got to be in a row in order for me to succeed. If the dial is too far to the right.. Im burnt, too far to the left... Im left sitting in a season full of unreached personal records. I really feel bad for my coaches, esspecially Travis, He kinda got thrown into being my coach. He doesnt really know me yet and Im already giving him a run for his money.

WOW, this is a big old pitty party.. But, I am optimistic. I really feel that this lower mileage will help me. I am just astonished that one person can be this exauhsted.. ITs really nuts that one week I could be running fast, kickin butt and then this... this is just crazy! Its definately a great learning experience for me, Its going to make me a better athlete and coach.

Im going to bust out of this funk..